Today, most inexplicably and quite amazingly (though really without ever having any doubts of it) I am, by great achievement of mind, body, and will, though with no small amount of gratitude to numerous beyond numerous persons be they friend, family, acquaintances, colleagues, or from a random assortment and collection of people non-categorized, have attained that great aged height (though a minor rung in the grandest scheme of all things “being” and “essence”)  this most felicitous affliction of the anniversary of my nascency.  Indeed my fellow readers, on this alignment of temporal ephemeris, I am:

Heavens be praised.